Ego, Blues and BDSM.

January blues, can’t say I have them as a creative project bridged the new year and made the transition time an exciting blur. Traditionally I can be kinda down on January. I’m off to Berlin (surprise) at the end of this month, so will be away for the first two weeks of February, attending some parties and also spending some time outside of Berlin on a writing retreat. Rumour has it that there may be some cute prey to chase through the forest, tho I’m betting they won’t run very fast.Take note: I’m in Berlin from the 4th – 20th of Feb.
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Recently the topic of ‘Ego’ has come up again in online conversations. It’s an interesting discussion as in My experience ego will arise eventually in power exchange relationships. Even when a power imbalance is chosen and completely consensual, we still have ourselves to struggle with and often that struggle is projected outwards. This isn’t helped by an unspoken culture in kink communities. Everyone goes on and on about ‘equality’ and yet still the same old rubbish occurs where people who like to play the role of ‘bottom’ are too often treated in patronising ways. The Gay Male scene has a few things to teach us in terms of valourising the greedy strong submissive.WHY ego has come up as a topic of discussion is due to those I speak with seeking to fully let go into experiences of submission. The clash seems to be on the one hand reconciling the enjoyment of such activities, with such questions as ‘Who is really in charge?’, and ‘How can I let go even deeper?’ and ‘Is this just about doing what I’m told, or is there another element?’. Maybe I should have titled this blog ‘Existential Masochism.’

What an entertaining dance it is when people choose to step into a power exchange because while we want scenes to appear ‘as real as possible’ we are also playing GAMES, in which intense emotional transformations and physical experiences occur….  but within which we have limits.

To answer ONE of the posed questions: ‘Should I just do what I’m told?’, personally I would say ‘Think carefully’. I believe there *is* more to it than a Dominant barking a few orders and a submissive instantly swooning at her feet. Chemistry, skill, desire, all have a part to play, as do respect and inner strength, on BOTH sides of the equation. I enjoy an intellectual challenge, the psychic exercise of flexing My power and the pleasure of watching you go through that process of surrender. It wouldn’t be as much fun otherwise.

Meanwhile out there in the world: Long ago if people had told us it could be worse that Regan and Thatcher, we would have laughed.

*after note* On reading My blog someone who I have been sessioning with for a long time commented: ‘It goes beyond the ego. For me? It’s about stepping into the unknown, into the nothingness, of showing the deepest respect and seeing the inner strength.’ – sound words.

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