Higher and Higher (maybe)

I have realised and it has been noted by some of you that I have not blogged in a LONG time!! So true. In the last blog, I wrote I had just spend some time in the snowy wilds of Brandenburg immersed in writing and being annoyed half to death by mouthy artist types who weren’t doing much ‘artisting’. Since then life has been wonderfully busy!! Busy to the point where I have been pushed to find time to blog here, so it’s helpful that those of you who follow have asked about what I’ve been up to and I will make a space from the intensity to write.

While in Berlin (again) at Folsom I had a lovely time going on playdates with people who had travelled from all over Europe – and sometimes further afeild – to be part of the event. With these large gatherings where there is an opportunity to step out of the day to day and deeply immerse onself purely in playing, pleasure and perversion. I’ve writen before about how I find kink to be an excellent source of escapism, yes I’m a great big perve every single day, as this is part of who I am. Folsom and other events like it allow for a deeper plunge, to spend ALL of one’s time dressing up, being pandered to, going to parties and playing.

I suppose there are those of you out there that imagine that I’m spending everyday lounging about being fed grapes by people wearing uncomfortably skimpy outfits: reality check! I’m a dominant person who also has to earn a living, and who no matter how much I would LIKE to spend all of my time playing I realise there are other things I want and need to do.

Play is one of my great pleasures, I adore the sensation of creating a ‘bubble’ of personal intensity with one or more people. Of stepping into what can seem to be an electrically charged silence where only our own breathing, laughter and moans can be heard. Those magical, exceptional times where the outside world disappears, even if we are being watched by a club full of people. That amazing energy of PLAYFULNESSand of being allowed full expression is what keeps me returning again and again to creating scenes with other people, wether that be role play, sadism, humiliation or any mix of those.

Except what goes up must come down and what I wanted to write about here is the conundrum of balance. I’ve heard many jokes about moderation, I’m definitely a person who enjoys intensity, yet at the final party of Folsom as I entered the dressing room, having just played two back to back scenes, I found myself saying ‘Thank God Folsom is finite!!!’ A very handsome queer in the process of dressing caught my eye and laughed knowingly.

So how do we deal with the come downs after the highs? What added extras can we discover by introducing breaks or times of less intensity in our play? How do we manage issues of chasing ever increasing highs, and the inevitable failure of that as a goal?

I plan to answer those questions and more very soon, as well as introducing some added extras in how I will be running ‘Mz Jane Wild’ in the near future. For now I have to dash off to a lovely hotel suite where I plan to spend some time torturing a dear friend and winding down.

Good times.

 

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The wilds of Berlin.

I feel like I’ve been away for AGES, London started to seem like a distant place, maybe this was due to the intensity of my time in Berlin, two weeks can seem like forever:

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1. Flying, cheery service, hosts who made food.

2. Slept late, made leisurely preparation, beat up a couple of friends for FUN.

3. Sun, menemen, massages.

4. Good friends, writing projects, people tying each other up.

5. Journeying into the countryside.

6. Snow, rivers, frozen wheels of ice.

7. Artists being annoying (what’s new?).

8. Discipline: not the sadistic variety, 10,000 words.

9. Cute Anarchists, the work of Joan Nestle

10. Trains, melting snow, the feeling of SPRING.

11. More friends tying each other up.

12. Fancy hotel rooms and debauchery.

13. Dinner, knife play, edges and limits.

14. Favourite people, Berlins weird politics.

15. Flying and fashion.

My perspective has shifted over the past two weeks, I’m sure I won’t realised the full impact of this until I re-adjust to being back. Living between two cities is a funny feeling, although London still has my heart.

 

 

Ego, Blues and BDSM.

January blues, can’t say I have them as a creative project bridged the new year and made the transition time an exciting blur. Traditionally I can be kinda down on January. I’m off to Berlin (surprise) at the end of this month, so will be away for the first two weeks of February, attending some parties and also spending some time outside of Berlin on a writing retreat. Rumour has it that there may be some cute prey to chase through the forest, tho I’m betting they won’t run very fast.Take note: I’m in Berlin from the 4th – 20th of Feb.
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Recently the topic of ‘Ego’ has come up again in online conversations. It’s an interesting discussion as in My experience ego will arise eventually in power exchange relationships. Even when a power imbalance is chosen and completely consensual, we still have ourselves to struggle with and often that struggle is projected outwards. This isn’t helped by an unspoken culture in kink communities. Everyone goes on and on about ‘equality’ and yet still the same old rubbish occurs where people who like to play the role of ‘bottom’ are too often treated in patronising ways. The Gay Male scene has a few things to teach us in terms of valourising the greedy strong submissive.WHY ego has come up as a topic of discussion is due to those I speak with seeking to fully let go into experiences of submission. The clash seems to be on the one hand reconciling the enjoyment of such activities, with such questions as ‘Who is really in charge?’, and ‘How can I let go even deeper?’ and ‘Is this just about doing what I’m told, or is there another element?’. Maybe I should have titled this blog ‘Existential Masochism.’

What an entertaining dance it is when people choose to step into a power exchange because while we want scenes to appear ‘as real as possible’ we are also playing GAMES, in which intense emotional transformations and physical experiences occur….  but within which we have limits.

To answer ONE of the posed questions: ‘Should I just do what I’m told?’, personally I would say ‘Think carefully’. I believe there *is* more to it than a Dominant barking a few orders and a submissive instantly swooning at her feet. Chemistry, skill, desire, all have a part to play, as do respect and inner strength, on BOTH sides of the equation. I enjoy an intellectual challenge, the psychic exercise of flexing My power and the pleasure of watching you go through that process of surrender. It wouldn’t be as much fun otherwise.

Meanwhile out there in the world: Long ago if people had told us it could be worse that Regan and Thatcher, we would have laughed.

*after note* On reading My blog someone who I have been sessioning with for a long time commented: ‘It goes beyond the ego. For me? It’s about stepping into the unknown, into the nothingness, of showing the deepest respect and seeing the inner strength.’ – sound words.

Kink Festival And A Berlin Skyline

10 days in Berlin can hold a lot, like an over-stuffed piece of hand luggage, once unpacked the amount of things you managed to fit in there can be astonishing. So it was with My recent trip to Berlin.
Once upon a time I used to go to Berlin purely for time out: it’s a lovely quiet place if you don’t tell anyone you are there. Now I tend to allocate time on a ‘urgent’ and ‘favourites’ basis, I’m not brilliant at moderation, but I give it a go, so as to not arrive home in need of a holiday.

The main reason I went to Berlin, apart from catching up with playmates and friends was to attend a kinky festival where I had been invited to give a workshop. One of the things that attracted Me was that the festival was for only 50 people, an intimate group, which offers time to get to know people properly – more so than the roiling and frenetic atmosphere of bigger events.

I was happy to receive several offers of service prior to the festival: What better welcome is there than meeting new and interesting people who want to carry your bags, find comfy places for you to sit, get you drinks and offer massages? I’m grateful to those who are able to carry out service in an unobtrusive and skilled manner – it’s a basic power exchange, but by no means simple. Good service is very much one of those ‘looks easy, demands a lot of practice’ situations.

The festival was a blissful couple of days: meeting old friends, picking up on negotiations started online, new playmates, sparks of attraction, listening to others teach, enjoying My own moments centre stage, being part of this wonderful kink community.

Tuesday morning, after the American election result I sat watching the sun rise over the Templehoff skyline feeling a little bleak. Partly a come down from the excitement of conference and also measuring where humanity finds itself. I asked Myself what point there is in small community activities? What difference does spending time educating about sexuality and good communication make, in the face of such huge world events? Always I return to the certainly that now more than ever people need spaces in which they can experience community and in which there is an ethos of loving respect. Yes all of these travels can seem a flash of dazzling excitement, but they also contain seeds of meaningful relating and broadening the scope for our ways of being in the world. Philosophical I know, but there always has to be a way forward.

 

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From My ‘Burning Desire’ blog.

 

Talking dirty

I’m swearing to myself a bit as I begin the process of upgrading the look of my website and engaging with the mysteries of multi page scrolling. I suppose I could get someone else to do it, but I like keeping my brain tuned in to how technology is changing and in turn how technology is changing US. As I swear I keep in mind the look I have in mind and how cool it will be when all of that is in place. I haven’t quite got to the nerd space of discussing fonts enthusiastically, but I do like a nice clean bit of design. Patience will be rewarded.

Another task I’m currently engaged with is writing a workshop on ‘Talking Dirty’ which I will give at a kink festival early next month in Berlin. Possibly I may offer a version in London – get in touch if you are interested – as every time I mention this to people in London their ears prick up enthusiastically. I have a passion for words, I find talking HOT, I love communication, verbal or non-verbal. Plus I’ve noticed how many people, although turned on by particular verbalized thoughts or words, also feel shy about plunging into verbal sexual expression for themselves.

It’s a wolfish kind of ‘community service’ to offer a workshop that educates and encourages people to TALK MORE FILTH, as the saying goes: ‘If you want to find out who is into the same filthy stuff as you, then give a workshop on it!’. The ideas are flowing, the actual writing is going slowly. Still I find myself bringing this up in conversation: asking people if they enjoy ‘Talking Dirty’? If so, are there particular words and phrases they love to hear? Or things they love to say? Far from being complex filthy talk can be beautifully simple – a recent play session with someone I know well comes to mind: They sprawled, tied on their back, all of their body language indicating their openness to submission. As I moved above them my strap-on deep inside them, they said ‘I love it when you fuck me’. Those words were so full of happiness, connection, greediness, of course I had to smile and reach out tenderly as I said with pride and possessiveness: ‘Slut’.

Hopefully I WON’T end up writing the rest of the workshop on the plane (tho this has happened in the past). Wishing you all a warm October full of the freedom to hear the dirtiest of joyful phrases drip off the lips of those you desire.

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Peaceful London: A room of ones own

My first week back in London felt a little ROUGH, mostly because I wasn’t really ‘back’. I felt in limbo, confused about what to do with Myself. A month is a long time to be away and in that month of wild helter-skelter partying through Berlin’s bohemian underground of clubs and dungeons, I had completely let go into a gentle free-fall tumbling hedonism.

In London it appears that I *may* have responsibilities (I’m not convinced) being a determined devotee of escapism I have SKILLS to keep the party rolling, tho there is a creeping feeling that some sort of routine could serve a purpose. You may or may not believe that I have been attempting to meditate most mornings, getting in at least a couple of hours of writing each day, and also finding a balance between those mental cogitations and what ever physical exercise is required to shake the twists and kinks out.

A friend (with a more gloomy outlook on life than mine) recently described London as a huge arrangement of ‘Monk cells’ in which most toil away in isolation. I won’t stretch the truth too far by claiming a cloistered existence for myself but I am enjoying the feeling of knowing what I will be doing one day to the next, having space and time to think, and to be achieving something more than breaking a sweat over the next hottie that I happen to have a date with.

Of course we wouldn’t want life to become too academically blinkered, so I’m sure you will agree it’s your duty to assist in starting one or two more happy riots by coming to see Me. It’s the least you could do, consider it a measure of willing obedience, yourself a slave to pleasure.

😉 I look forward to it. x Mz Jane.

 

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                                                P.S, planning a little website revamp soon!

 

Killing Me Softly

Berlin is awesome. It’s only been a week but I’m feeling very rested in a ‘running through the forest’ sort of a way. I had play dates planned before I came to Berlin, but I hadn’t counted on the number of people who popped up and made invitations once I had arrived in town. Not known for My excellent sense of moderation I’m currently pondering how much of a complete pervert glutton I can make of myself without requiring a holiday to get over My holiday. The thing is I enjoy new and novel play partners a LOT – discussing this with a friend yesterday we both agreed that often we are as much motivated by curiosity and the desire to ‘solve’ the puzzle of how to successfully top in any given situation, as we are by sexual attraction.  No I don’t think that’s an odd thing to say, and I do think it’s very important how prospective play partners present themselves and communicate: would I rather play with some one who looks like a fantasy pin-up (but seems a bit stilted, unforthcoming and after their own ends) , or do I want an experience which brings me intensely into the moment and makes me feel hot, horny, tested, energised and appreciated? I really enjoy approaches from people who put some thought into how they do that, expressing themselves clearly and with good energy. I reccomend it as a strategy to improve your chances of getting to play.

I’ve done more than My fair share of ‘extreme sports’ in high heels lately, discovering new creative moments in role play, dollification, gender play, the joy of giving a damn good whacking and as always the fine order of FILTH, both verbal and physical.  I’m currently deciding  if the best way to play the Me vs two subs scenario I’ve been invited to is to add another sub, or to invite them to bring along the impact play toy that they are most scared of.

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no I haven’t tried swinging from this, but you get my drift.

 

It’s WARM here, tho there have been some spectacular thunder and lightening storms. There’s another kind of tingling excitement in the air as many friends are flying into the city  to join celebrations at a party this weekend. This evening I’m meeting up with lovely perves from New York who I haven’t seen since I was there at the beggining of the year, I feel very lucky to be part of this international community.

Tomorrow I’m doing a photoshoot, although I haven’t paid lots of attention to what I’m going to wear. I’m looking forward to the results and may spend sometime tinkering with updating this blog, My web presence and how I present things visually later in August. Until then wishing you all a very pleasant ride through this weird thing we call life.

Leaving you with the beautiful and pertinent P.J.Harvey. ‘Let England Shake’: Theresa May and Boris the Clown??? Oh God help us!!!

The sympathy of wolves

As everyday life for most British people takes on a striking resemblance to a tele-novela, I really DON’T have anything particularly smart to say. When the speeches of our politicians, elected and unelected (by that most mutable definition – democracy) are in themselves easily mistaken for of satire, all I can summon is: FUCK THIS.

Dear people I’m going to Berlin for the month, a trip that was planned far in advance but which seems timely. Be kind to each other, remember to poke racists and xenophobes HARD with your solidarity safety pin and remember that simple acts of humanity ARE a meaningful antidote to ignorance.

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the humble safety pin

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/jun/29/britons-urged-to-wear-safety-pins-in-solidarity-with-immigrants-safetypin

I like My mind bending sadism CONSENSUAL. See you in August.

Sense and sensuality

An ‘important information’ announcement: I will be away in Berlin for ALL of July. I am currently taking advance bookings for My return to London in August.

On the subject of lovely things I recently went to visit The V&A lingerie exhibition Undressed, what a curious experience that was. I have to admit that I don’t find time to visit London’s many wonderful galleries and museums as often as I would like, when I do manage to do so I find myself marvelling at the beautiful spaces and the rich cultural array on offer. I visited the The V&A’s ‘Undressed’ exhibition with a friend, who like Myself is a huge fan of lingerie. Those of you who know me can attest that I’m a complete sucker for a nicely fashioned piece of sheer fabric, the silky feel of a well fitted undergarment or the sensuality of a padded and sculpted uplift: whether on my own or someone else’s body.

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 Mini slip, ivory silk satin with machine stitched lace, designed by Janet Reger, Great Britain, 1996. (V&A collection)

As my friend and I approached this exhibition with quite some excitement and enthusiasm I have to say we were both disappointed by what we found there. Offering the promise that we might ‘Discover the fascinating and sometimes controversial story of underwear design from the 18th century to the present day’, we weren’t a difficult audience to entice. But once inside I found that My friend sighed often while walking around the rather unispiringly arranged exhibition. ‘Are you alright?’ I asked her, to which she replied ‘Yes, although I have to admit I was expecting a little more‘. I felt sad for her, if it’s possible she is even more of a lingerie lover than Myself and while the show contained many very finely crafted and historically curious items, the way that the items where displayed did absolutely nothing for them.

There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to the exhibition, none of the ways that could have added a narrative, theme or method of engagement were utulised, in fact the overall design of the show left Me thinking the curator might have a great future ahead of them organising the shop floor of Primark. In addition it seemed that there had been a fear that the general public might become overwhelmed  with lust while contemplating the arousing possibilities of the undergarments on display as all effort had been made to ERASE any sexiness from the show. Sad times!

On a MUCH happier note I see that the feminist pornographer Pandora Blake has won her appeal against ATVOD. Well done Pandora for adding a fierce and intelligent voice to the debate on censorship and what more interesting and fairly produced porn could look like.  You may wish to check out Pandora’s site ‘Dreams of Spanking’.

While we’re on the subject of politics, here’s a link a wonderful TED talk on the laws that sex workers really want

Have a fabulous summer everyone!

Post Berlin, Hello London.

Screen Shot 2016-04-07 at 19.08.44Wow, I feel like a fictional character in an American baseball movie sliding into ‘Home plate’. London seems a little more gritty than usually, this glorious April weather – sun, rain hail, sun rain, hail – doesn’t really help. Plus there is the pure physics of the equation: what goes up, must come down…. Oh but what a high it was. Stepping into the pre-conference melee I commented to a friend that if this frisson of flirting, sexual energy, nerves, excitement, social jostling, hotness and anticipation could be bottled, it would be an absolute mule kick of a drink. There is no actual drinking going on, the venue is alcohol free,  but let it be said that the buzz running through the space is quite enough: conference is about to begin.

There’s already some very heavy cruising going on, I notice people have been building a set of ‘Glory Hole’ style booths in one of the hallways, there are people making out and generally draping themselves all over each other. Nearly 300 over charged brains and bodies about to indulge in 4 days of workshops and parties. How am I going to survive this? Not exactly being prone to moderation I’ve already made a head start, arriving in Berlin a few days earlier and making a few advance dates to warm up. As usual there are far too many people to say hello to, old friends I only see in these settings once of twice a year, people I met last year or the year before, interesting new faces. What I especially love about conference is the opportunity to be in ‘Top Space’ over the course of several days.

Sure I can feel dominant at any time, but just try that on London public transport, or while enduring a classic English queue, it’s not quite the same. Here, within the bubble of conference it’s very likely that a tangible dominance will be greeted with the openness of exposed tender skin, down cast eyelids, the flutter of lashes, a sweetly proffered neck to bite or a short skirt to slip my hand underneath. The play dates I have for conference were made months in advance, this is often the case, people you meet casually 6 months before often turn out to be playmates at some point. A friend flying in from the States complained about the tendency of conference goers to book dates months in advance, but that’s just how it goes, this is a busy environment, the best things are worth waiting for. My first date is with some one who first asked me to play in July last year, the second came about during a casual face slapping incident during Folsom in September, the third is a group date with a dozen of so close friends, the fourth is where I pick up the pieces and just let myself relax into a pure sadistic blowout.

Some of you will have heard Me talk about how much I enjoy receiving service, simple well crafted personal attention that makes My life easier and builds My energy. The evening before the large group scene I’m about to play My Service submissive arrives, some one I know well and who has a proven track record of providing quietly unobtrusive service of a high standard. They arrive bringing the ingredients to cook Me a light nutritious meal, I hand them a list of household chores I would like done and then go off to take a power nap. Somehow I always sleep more soundly when I know some one is working away elsewhere in the house doing things to make life more comfortable. At a pre-arranged time they wake me with a gentle tap on My boudoir door, on hearing Me grant permission they enter and tell Me my bath awaits. They attend as I bathe, helping me to dry myself and slip into a house robe and then serve Me food. Then they serve as I get ready to go out, painting My toes and finger nails, brushing My Hair. My clothes have been neatly laid out while I was eating and they help me to dress. All of this is done with an air of quiet self containment, dignity and perfect attention to detail and My needs. This is service with done with pride. When I am ready, after they have packed My play bag for the evening and massaged My hands and feet before helping Me put on My shoes, they call Me a cab and escort Me to the venue. This capsule of time packed with the calmest and most nourishing personal care has set the groundwork in allowing Me to fly as a Dominant, never undervalue the people who care for and support you!

That night I went on the play one of the weirdest scenes of My life (and that’s saying something!) ‘The Dolls Tea Party’ has been planned over the past year and brings together a selection of human dolls and their sadistic doll owners from across Europe, resulting in surreal images that are burned into My brain forever. Ask yourself, could you maintain perfect stillness and a fixed gaze as you are transformed, dressed and made up as a perfect feminine doll? Could you withstand the tortures and games that Mistress chooses to subject you to without noise or reaction? How would you deal with being set in poses that amuse Mistress, bent or bent over to Her will? Mmmmmm, doll play, what happy times.

I’m thinking of spending some of the summer time in Berlin and nipping back and forth between London and that other quieter city, so when applying for session time, make sure to do so well in advance.